When Corwin Hiebert from Abbotsford, BC, was 14 years old, he struggled
with the same issues many youth find themselves up against: stress, fear,
loneliness, disconnect from family and self-criticism. Fortunately, he was
able to find some support to overcome these challenges. "My youth leader
at church noticed I was withdrawing from my friends and school work," says
Corwin, now 29. "He took time out of his schedule every week to meet with
me, shoot pool or play guitar. His support gave me the self-worth I was
lacking. My life was significantly altered as a result of his coaching."
Corwin eventually became a youth pastor at Garden Valley Community Church
in Kelowna, BC, where he ran activities designed to build a positive support
network for youth. "Every single event or function within our youth programming
calendar had a purpose: to help teens experience hope and find meaning in
their lives. Many people don't experience those values and are scarred from
never being encouraged by someone who cares for them."
While
some people are lucky enough to have strong support networks through family,
friends and community members, many youth don't have a group of supporters
to help get them hyped. In fact, the reality for a lot of youth is exactly
the opposite: they regularly deal with discouragement dished out by the
people around them.
You may have experienced this from a parent who insists you'll
fail at whatever you try to do, a friend who pressures you to make poor
choices, or people who simply don't have time to help you become
a better person. These situations can understandably leave you feeling frustrated,
depressed, alone and doubting your abilities.
What's important to remember is that the people in your life may
not be equipped to provide the support you need, and often their reasons
for this aren't related to you in any way. Many adults are dealing
with their own fears, biases and values acquired during their upbringing-ways
of thinking and acting that may seem old-school in comparison to what
you're experiencing in today's world.
And many adults need support too, according to Child and Family Canada,
a Web-based collection of educational resources, which says today's
parents often feel overwhelmed-juggling work and family responsibilities
and trying to keep up with increasingly fast-paced lives. "Youth
often have to deal with parents who are highly stressed by the end of
the working day," one article on the site outlines. "Stress
can undermine the quality of the interaction between parents and children."
Whether
you're regularly doing pretty good, often feeling foul, or simply
in need of a kind word from time to time, there's no doubt about the benefits of having a personal support network. These coaches are the people who offer encouragement, practical advice and a listening ear, all of which can help you feel confident as
you make life decisions. They may be family members, friends, teachers,
counsellors, bosses or neighbours-generally anyone you trust who's
genuinely interested in helping you succeed.
Many adults
aren't aware of the negativity coming through when they're interacting
with you, and others simply don't know how to talk with you in a positive
and helpful way. But encouragement is a two-way street, and sometimes you
have to encourage others to encourage you!
You can start building supportive relationships by letting people know
how crucial their backing is for you. Try identifying one or two people
who are important to you, and who are most likely to respond positively
to your request for support.
When you approach them, be specific about your needs. Tell them exactly
how you want them to help-whether it's providing advice, listening
without judging or assisting you in working through a problem or making
a decision. Be clear and firm, but also be respectful. Let them know that
you value their opinion and their time.
Corwin says youth shouldn't be reluctant to push for encouragement.
"Maybe your parents, siblings, grandparents or friends don't
know you're looking for direction," he says.
He also suggests getting involved with a group of people who have a common
purpose. "Find an organization that's doing something interesting
and offer to help out. The longer you volunteer, the more connected you
become to the members of your team, and the more value you'll place
in that sense of belonging."
One way or another, we all need supporters, says Corwin. "Even
the best golfer in the world, Tiger Woods, has a coach. If youth are expected
to weather the storms of dealing with who they are and what the heck they're
doing on Earth, then they should have the opportunity to be coached."
Know When to Ask for Assistance
While there's nothing wrong with being independent, it's crucial to
know when to ask for help. If you feel like giving up, are losing interest
in school, work and other activities, or if you're feeling frustrated,
angry or unsuccessful, it's time to ask for some support.
Choose the Right People for Your Network
Be choosy about your coaches. Pick positive, upbeat and encouraging
people who truly have your best interests in mind. Sometimes all you
need is one good person to make a difference.
Nurture Your Supporters
Be sure to thank those who help you out and let them know how important
their support is to you.
Develop Your Inner Coach
Build your sense of inner strength to boost your ability to get through
difficult times. Focus on your strengths and surround yourself with
people who will reinforce the positive.
Make Use of Available
Resources
Access local programs, Web sites and community
resources. Start by checking out www.workinfonet.bc.ca/youth for a ton
of tips on getting connected to people and programs.
